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Moving forward with LOVE:
A Story about Healing
By: May Soriano
Life, Corporate and Executive Coach
Visions & Breakthroughs International (VBI)

It's 8:10PM and my mobile phone is on alarm again. I say a little prayer, or a loving thought for my dear Willy, my husband and best friend for more than 18 years. For the past 5 months I have been consistently doing this to pay respect to a person who has done well for others most especially for us his family. 8:10PM is the time of his passing. 8:10PM is a sacred time when he joined his Creator. 8:10PM is the ultimate time… an ultimate goal of us Christians.

While it is an ultimate goal to be in the euphoria of peace, the question is, am I ready? Was Willy ready? Who would have guessed that the morning of April 24 will be the final goodbye kiss? Who would have known that the dinner of April 24 shall be the last?

The least that happened…

At least he did not die while driving alone the busy highway of EDSA…
At least he had chosen to fetch us from shopping instead of going with a friend…
At least he had in his last dinner with his entire family…
At least he had his last sip of his favorite soup…
At least he did not die in the middle of the crowd in the mall…
At least I was the last person he saw before he died…

Oh, the pain that up to this writing I feel. I can still remember Willy's tears rolling down his cheeks, his eyes staring at me, his jaws locked, his clenched fists fighting for his last breath… he was saying goodbye… and all that I can do was pray the Lord's prayer, Hail Mary and Glory be over and over again…

The Lord made me strong during the entire wake. Hundreds of people came to pay their last respect to the man who they say has helped and made them laugh. It was an overwhelming feeling of love that enveloped me and my children. I was so proud that I became the wife of such a happy, God-centered and loving man.

Willy wanted people to always be happy. I requested that the mass before interment play happy tunes. I requested that all people who will bring Willy to his resting place be in colored clothes. Yes, it was festive. Soft wind blew off the heat and as if saying to me, it will be alright… and I believe.

I want that my transitions be quick, slow, painful and loving. ..

A day after interment, I went to the bank and declared that I am a widow. My hands were shaking as
I held back my tears when for the first time, I was signing alone.
2 days after interment, I sorted his clothes and gave them to families and the needy.
I gave all his jewelry and shoes to his siblings right away.

One evening, more than 2 weeks after Willy's death, I was looking for the original papers of the van which was due for registration. I was afraid to pay overdue penalties. I almost looked everywhere when I whispered asking Willy to show me where he put the documents. Then my sight led me to his black attaché case. All along, I was evading looking at it because that was the bag he touched, he used everyday. The feeling became very strong, so I said, ok, Popsie, I will look what was inside it. And there it was all the documents I needed. As I began sorting each paper, I was crying as I felt him in each of those docs. Then so suddenly, a small piece of paper fell off the floor. And when I picked it up, it was the receipt of the long stemmed rose he gave me during our last surprised celebrated anniversary. Tears fell endlessly as I almost heard Willy whispered how much he loved me and that everything shall be alright. And this was the beginning of my trust that I will never be alone, not with my Popsie, my love, my best friend, my champion, my Willy there by our Lord's side praying for us.

How am I doing?

Keidee just celebrated her debut where she dedicated her 18th rose to her Papa while she danced and swayed to the tune of "the way you look tonight". She got the intelligence and strength of character from her Papa.

Angel, now 15 years old got Willy's fun disposition, love for arts and animals! There is no dull moment with Angel. She is the substitute for my "holding hands and embrace needs while sleeping" every night. Yes, Willy and I were holding hands while we slept..

My children have thought me to move on. I see and feel Willy through them.

My left brain formula:

Awareness and Acceptance.

I accept with loving pain that my Willy's time here in this mortal life is over. His purpose is served. I will never see him and feel him physically. I acknowledge my sadness, anger and my fear of being alone.

I acknowledge that I have Keidee and Angel to inspire me. I have the rest of my family and great friends who authentically care. My faith is strong with good spiritual support.

Choice.

I choose not deny my grief. I choose to move forward with grace and continue to be an instrument for other people to find their own joy in their life. I choose to be happy in what I do. This is what I believe Willy wants me to do.

Take Action with Responsibility.

I pray to Willy that he helps me and be by my side always.
I believe that he is by God's side and continuous to be a good servant.
I communicate my feelings especially my grief.
I whisper loving thoughts to Willy.
I embrace myself tight when I am sad. I know he is with me in each of those embrace.

I am a powerful and intelligent instrument of change, loving people unconditionally, living my life within the principles of goodness.
This is my mission.

I am still in a continuing transition. I still cry almost everyday. I survived my first birthday, 1st Mother's day, and 1st Father's day, Willy's birthday, Keidee's birthday, and Angel's birthday, without his physical presence. I am sure I will survive this coming Christmas and New Year!

I still have the last pair of his sleeping clothes he wore the last evening before he died. I still have the blanket we shared before he died. I embrace them to make me sleep. Sooner or later, I will let go of these I am sure. But today and everyday, the wedding ring he wore all his married life is in my finger, remembering the glorious days when once God let me experienced such a happy, loving, giving husband and father to my daughters.

Oh, I can just imagine Willy's joy and pride that I was able to write this story and have it read by many. He championed me in every little, big thing I did, including my wrong spellings and wrong grammar. As the song "One Friend" states:

Someone who understands me
And knows me inside out.
Helps keep me together
And believes without a doubt,
That I could move a mountain
Someone to tell it to.

If I had only one friend left
I'd want it to be you.

Today and everyday, I let go and let GOD.

And lastly, to share with you my prayer of healing…

PRAYER FOR WILLY

Lord, help us to see death for what it really is;
The end of poverty and the beginning of riches;
The end of frustration and the beginning of fulfillment;
The end of fear and the beginning of tranquility;
The end of pain and the beginning of joy;
The end of weakness and the beginning of strength.

Let not grief overwhelm us, or a sense of loss embitter us;
But out of our sadness
let there arise a new joy for so much given to us.
Cast out our fears and let not our hearts be troubled.
Let Your spirit of peace come alive
within our experiences and hurts,
our sorrow and isolation,
our sadness today and loneliness tomorrow.

We humbly commend to You WILLY,
Whom You have called out of this mortal life.
You loved him always with great love.
Now that You have freed him from all evils of this earth,
Bring him into Your paradise where there is no more grief nor mourning nor sadness;
But peace and joy with Your Son and the Holy Spirit forever.
We thank You for all the blessings You have given to WILLY in his mortal life.
We pray that he maybe able to glorify You
With the life that he had lived,
And the way he made use of his blessings.

Lord, grant that we may never forget
that life is short and uncertain.
Let Your spirit guide us in holiness, justice and service
to our brothers and sisters.
We pray for the healing of all unhappy feelings that the passing away of WILLY now leaves in our hearts.
Be with us Lord, during our moments of sorrow and loneliness.
You are our rock, our fortress and our strength.
We trust in You and hope in Your glorious resurrection.
We lift up to You our grief and sorrow,
Confident that You will change our mourning to rejoicing,
And that our beloved WILLY now rests in Your peace.
Amen.