Moving forward with LOVE:
"When there is love, there is life."
By: May Soriano
Life, Corporate and Executive Coach
Visions & Breakthroughs International (VBI)

"When there is love, there is life."
What a lovely quote! Why are still there people stuck in sadness, in fear, in anger?

"I was put down by my boss amidst the fact that I did my best!" I felt incompetent and it brought down my confidence"
- from now on, I will not allow anyone to put me down...I have become a perfectionist

"I was born out of wedlock; my parents did not want me..."
- I have become uncomfortable with people, there is so much insecurity in relationships, I do not want to be like my parents

"I was physically and verbally abused..."
- No matter how hard I try to forget the past, a lot of things and situations trigger the hate and pain. I am stuck and trust no one...

These are some examples of struggles we face, struggles which make us sad in life. These are times when we ask the question: why? Why did it happen to me? Why am I getting so much punishment in life? Why did God allow this to happen? Why am I so unlucky? Why am I so unloved?

If we begin to analyze these questions, we realize that they push us to negative thinking. Unwittingly or not, these negative thoughts attract and render us to the situation we are in: sad and miserable.

I have been doing coaching and conducting workshops that help persons become more aware of the power, intelligence, and beauty in their lives. They see their capabilities to love and be loved. With this basic awareness comes the acceptance of realities in their lives that are difficult to embrace. This acceptance may not come easily to those who are so stuck in the past such that they need to be helped to focus on their current situation.

How can I accept that I am beautiful if no less than my mother told me that I am ugly? How can I be intelligent when my performance keeps on failing?

There is a need to be aware of the present moment, what we call "present time awareness." To put present time awareness back, one can do the STOP strategy:

Seek help from a person you can trust. Get a coach to partner with you in this healing and Moving Forward journey. Have conversations to bring out thoughts and feelings. Suppression is not good for the mind, body and soul. It can cause mental, emotional and physical blocks that may lead to illness.

Take back your life. Be in control. Start noticing that many of the negative thoughts come from blaming others, and from not taking responsibility. This is a very easy excuse for not getting the full permission to accept the realities surrounding the SELF. In a journal, write all the negative beliefs you have of yourself. Read them, feel them and then ask yourself what you feel. Surround the statements with those feelings. Do I want to stay in this state? Of course not! State your reason why you want to Move Forward. Then side by side the negative statements, write your ideal situation... NO Buts, No what ifs. Bring back your belief, your confidence. Dream and excite yourself! No Buts, No what ifs! See and feel what you have written. Surround the ideal situations with your feelings.

Then ask yourself... what is your CHOICE?

But just in case you want to stay in the comforts of your sad life, then congratulate yourself, your negative self belief has won over the powerful, loving, intelligent and beautiful you! You have lost love... you have lost life...

Open yourself to positive change. The Choice to Move Forward is the choice to opening yourself to INFINITE EXCITING POSSIBILITIES! Say yes to pain, yes to sadness, yes to anger, yes to fear, yes to joy… yes to love… yes to LIFE! Accept the gift of life with full permission for all these feelings to come in and learn from them. Accept the gift of loss and gaining back. Accept the tears and knowing how to smile again. Accept falling and standing back with pride.

I remember hearing a story of a boy who wished he could have his favorite ice cream and a balloon with his favorite color. With not a single drop of doubt, he wished, he prayed and he asked. Wishes do come true when meant well. True enough, one day, his parents surprised him with an afternoon walk in the park. His parents asked, "Given the limited budget we have, what are 2 things you want to buy in the park?" The boy said "I only wish for a cone of chocolate ice cream and if permitted, a blue balloon. The parents readily said yes to their son's wishes and bought the ice cream and the balloon. The boy got the cone of ice cream in his left hand while the blue balloon in his right. Excitement and happiness flowed in the family's stroll in the park. Laughter filled the air… when suddenly, it was halted when the blue balloon flew slowly up in the air. For some seconds, the world stopped. The parents looked with pity their child and in anticipation of the boy's reaction. The boy looked up and then looked down at his hands. Then he smiled, laughed and shouted to his parents' surprise and delight, "look Dad, Mom, no worry, I still have the cone of ice cream!" And they continued to feel and accept the joys of life. How are you seeing your life, half full or half empty? How much blessings do we have? There are no small blessings. They are all good. And yes, even the challenges are blessings!

Pursue Action with Focus, Value and Responsibility
One cannot stop at thoughts and feelings. One cannot stop at just the choice of Moving Forward. An action needs to be done one step at a time.

With no doubt, with no agenda other than doing good and being good to find happiness, one cannot go wrong. When failing in the course of the journey, choose to fail forward. One becomes wiser because of the fall, that is, if one is open to learning.

Ask why you really want this thing to happen to you. Ask with details. Spell out what you really want. Then ask why you want it. What is the value to you of what you want? Once you have identified and felt the value, you will have focus and determination no matter what happens.

I remember encouraging my late husband, Willy to quit smoking… and he will not. He knew all the consequences of smoking. Many have been researched and written about the hazards of it. He did not listen. He would say yes he knew, yes later, yes but… etc. etc. Then when our eldest daughter Keidee was about 3 years old, she would always cry at the site of her papa smoking. When asked, Keidee would say, smoking is bad and she did not want her papa to be sick. One morning, Willy stopped smoking and never went back to smoking. I asked, what made him stopped? And he said, "I want to live long for the children's future". That was his value of stopping smoking. No matter how many people teased him to go back to smoking, he remained focused on his goal."

We therefore need to STOP! Stop putting down yourself. Stop believing you cannot. Stop analysis paralysis. Stop and Move Forward!

Let us Move Forward together. For comments, questions and coaching, you can email to coachmaycares@gmail.com or SMS 09178463405

Coach May Soriano is one of the pioneers of Life, Executive and Corporate coaching in the Philippines. A graduate of the ICF accredited, Coaches Training Institute (CTI), USA and became one of the first Filipinos to finish the Co-Active Leadership Course and become a member of the international Co-Active Leadership Link (CALL). Currently, she is Chief Empowerment Officer of Visions & Breakthroughs International and doing coaching and training workshops with individuals, groups and corporations. Current pursuit is the vision of propagating the coaching profession in the Philippines with Passion, Integrity and Heart.

/26 April 2008

This article was published in CARE (Self-care & Inner Wellness) Magazine, June - November 2008 issue.

To buy a copy, you may contact 638-5623 / 638-3349 and look for Saidie, Joseph, Shiela, Aris, or Nigel.